Explore And Share Top Best Famous Quotes By Comedian W. C. Fields (Aka) William Claude Dukenfield, W. C. Fields’s Best Quotes And Sayings With Pictures
It Ain't What They Call You, It's What You Answer To. - W. C. Fields
Remember, A Dead Fish Can Float Downstream, But It Takes A Live One To Swim Upstream. - W. C. Fields
A Woman Drove Me To Drink And I Didn't Even Have The Decency To Thank Her. - W. C. Fields
A Rich Man Is Nothing But A Poor Man With Money. - W. C. Fields
Start Every Day Off With A Smile And Get It Over With. - W. C. Fields
Ah, The Patter Of Little Feet Around The House. There’s Nothing Like Having A Midget For A Butler.
– W. C. Fields
Now Don’t Say You Can’t Swear Off Drinking; It’s Easy. I’ve Done It A Thousand Times.
– W. C. Fields
Abstaining Is Favorable Both To The Head And The Pocket.
– W. C. Fields
On The Whole, I’d Rather Be In Philidelphia.
– W. C. Fields
I Like Children – Fried.
– W. C. Fields
The Best Cure For Insomnia Is To Get A Lot Of Sleep.
– W. C. Fields
It Was A Woman Who Drove Me To Drink, And I Never Had The Courtesy To Thank Her For It.
– W. C. Fields
No Doubt Exists That All Women Are Crazy; It’s Only A Question Of Degree.
– W. C. Fields
I’d Like To See Paris Before I Die… Philadelphia Will Do.
– W. C. Fields
If You Can’t Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Baffle Them With Bull.
– W. C. Fields
The World Is Getting To Be Such A Dangerous Place, A Man Is Lucky To Get Out Of It Alive.
– W. C. Fields
The Laziest Man I Ever Met Put Popcorn In His Pancakes So They Would Turn Over By Themselves.
– W. C. Fields
Last Week, I Went To Philadelphia, But It Was Closed.
– W. C. Fields
Never Cry Over Spilt Milk, Because It May Have Been Poisoned.
– W. C. Fields
I Cook With Wine, Sometimes I Even Add It To The Food.
– W. C. Fields
Don’t Worry About Your Heart, It Will Last You As Long As You Live.
– W. C. Fields
Once, During Prohibition, I Was Forced To Live For Days On Nothing But Food And Water.
– W. C. Fields
I Like To Keep A Bottle Of Stimulant Handy In Case I See A Snake, Which I Also Keep Handy.
– W. C. Fields
There Are Only Two Real Ways To Get Ahead Today – Sell Liquor Or Drink It.
– W. C. Fields
When We Have Lost Everything, Including Hope, Life Becomes A Disgrace, And Death A Duty.
– W. C. Fields
You Can’t Trust Water: Even A Straight Stick Turns Crooked In It.
– W. C. Fields
Always Carry A Flagon Of Whiskey In Case Of Snakebite And Furthermore Always Carry A Small Snake.
– W. C. Fields
If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try, Try Again. Then Quit. There’s No Point In Being A Damn Fool About It.
– W. C. Fields
Women Are Like Elephants. I Like To Look At ‘Em, But I Wouldn’t Want To Own One.
– W. C. Fields
Anyone Who Hates Children And Animals Can’t Be All Bad.
– W. C. Fields
I Never Drink Water; That Is The Stuff That Rusts Pipes.
– W. C. Fields
Children Should Neither Be Seen Or Heard From – Ever Again.
– W. C. Fields
Here Lies – W. C. Fields – W. C. Fields
Horse Sense Is The Thing A Horse Has Which Keeps It From Betting On People.
– W. C. Fields
Reminds Me Of My Safari In Africa. Somebody Forgot The Corkscrew And For Several Days We Had To Live On Nothing But Food And Water.
– W. C. Fields
Never Try To Impress A Woman, Because If You Do She’ll Expect You To Keep Up The Standard For The Rest Of Your Life.
– W. C. Fields
It’s Morally Wrong To Allow A Sucker To Keep His Money.
– W. C. Fields
Set Up Another Case Bartender! The Best Thing For A Case Of Nerves Is A Case Of Scotch.
– W. C. Fields
The Clever Cat Eats Cheese And Breathes Down Rat Holes With Baited Breath.
– W. C. Fields
Drown In A Cold Vat Of Whiskey? Death, Where Is Thy Sting?
– W. C. Fields
Never Give A Sucker An Even Break.
– W. C. Fields
Show Me A Great Actor And I’ll Show You A Lousy Husband. Show Me A Great Actress, And You’ve Seen The Devil.
– W. C. Fields
There Comes A Time In The Affairs Of Man When He Must Take The Bull By The Tail And Face The Situation.
– W. C. Fields
I Once Spent A Year In Philadelphia, I Think It Was On A Sunday.
– W. C. Fields
If There’s A Will, Prosperity Can’t Be Far Behind.
– W. C. Fields
I Am An Expert Of Electricity. My Father Occupied The Chair Of Applied Electricity At The State Prison.
– W. C. Fields
I Drink Therefore I Am.
– W. C. Fields
Some Things Are Better Than Sex, And Some Are Worse, But There’s Nothing Exactly Like It.
– W. C. Fields
I Never Worry About Being Driven To Drink; I Just Worry About Being Driven Home.
– W. C. Fields
Sleep – The Most Beautiful Experience In Life – Except Drink.
– W. C. Fields
I Don’t Know Why I Ever Come In Here. The Flies Get The Best Of Everything.
– W. C. Fields
I Must Have A Drink Of Breakfast.
– W. C. Fields
I Was In Love With A Beautiful Blonde Once. She Drove Me To Drink. That’s The One Thing I’m Indebted To Her For.
– W. C. Fields
The Cost Of Living Has Gone Up Another Dollar A Quart.
– W. C. Fields
All The Men In My Family Were Bearded, And Most Of The Women.
– W. C. Fields
I Am Free Of All Prejudices. I Hate Everyone Equally.
– W. C. Fields
I Never Vote For Anyone. I Always Vote Against.
– W. C. Fields
Hell, I Never Vote For Anybody, I Always Vote Against.
– W. C. Fields
Marry An Outdoors Woman. Then If You Throw Her Out Into The Yard On A Cold Night, She Can Still Survive.
– W. C. Fields
I Never Met A Kid I Liked.
– W. C. Fields
If I Had To Live My Life Over, I’d Live Over A Saloon.
– W. C. Fields
I Never Drink Water. I’m Afraid It Will Become Habit-Forming.
– W. C. Fields
Some Weasel Took The Cork Out Of My Lunch.
– W. C. Fields
I Always Keep A Supply Of Stimulant Handy In Case I See A Snake, Which I Also Keep Handy.
– W. C. Fields
